How Do You Facilitate A Restorative Conversation?

Restorative Conversations are an essential tool for addressing harm, fostering accountability, and strengthening relationships in schools. Whether between students, teachers, or colleagues, these structured dialogues create space for reflection, understanding, and meaningful repair. However, facilitating a Restorative Conversation effectively requires preparation, intentionality, and the right communication strategies.

In this blog, we’ll break down what a Restorative Conversation is, how it differs from a Restorative Conference, best practices for facilitation, and how to navigate conflicts where there is no clear victim or person who caused harm.

What Is a Restorative Conversation?

A Restorative Conversation is part of Restorative Practices Training, it is a structured dialogue that uses Restorative Questions to guide reflection, accountability, and repair. These conversations can range from less formal to highly structured, depending on the situation and the individuals involved.

The purpose of a Restorative Conversation is to:
✅ Help the person who caused harm take responsibility, reflect on their actions, and understand the impact of their behavior.
✅ Allow the person harmed to express their perspective, articulate their needs, and participate in deciding how to move forward.
✅ Create a safe space for dialogue where both parties can listen, learn, and repair the relationship.

While a Restorative Conversation does not require extensive preparation like a Restorative Conference, it still requires a willingness from both parties—

• The person harmed must consent to having the conversation.

• The person who caused harm must be willing to answer the Restorative Questions and take responsibility.

Restorative Conversation vs. Restorative Conference

A Restorative Conference is a more formal, planned process that always involves thorough preparation of all participants before bringing them together. It typically includes not only the individuals directly involved in the harm but also additional stakeholders such as family members and supporters for both parties. The purpose of a conference is to repair harm through a structured dialogue that results in a clear plan for repair.

Key Differences:

Using the Restorative Questions to Guide the Conversation

Restorative Conversations are guided by a set of structured questions designed to encourage reflection, accountability, and repair. These Restorative Questions ensure that conversations focus on emotions, impact, and resolution.

Restorative Questions for Those Who Caused Harm:

1️⃣ What happened?
2️⃣ What were you thinking at the time?
3️⃣ What have you thought about since?
4️⃣ Who has been affected by what you have done, and in what way?
5️⃣ What do you think you need to do to make things right?

Restorative Questions for Those Who Were Harmed:

1️⃣ What did you think when you realized what had happened?
2️⃣ What impact has this incident had on you and others?
3️⃣ What has been the hardest thing for you?
4️⃣ What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

These questions shift the conversation from blame and punishment to reflection, accountability, and problem-solving.

Preparing for a Restorative Conversation or Restorative Conference

Regardless of whether you are facilitating a Restorative Conversation or a Restorative Conference, preparation is key to ensuring a constructive and safe dialogue.

1. Ensure Willingness from Both Parties

• The person harmed must consent to the conversation—they should never feel pressured into participating.

• The person who caused harm must be willing to take responsibility and answer the Restorative Questions.

2. Assess Readiness

For Restorative Conferences, all parties must go through a pre-conference process to ensure they are emotionally ready and able to engage in a safe, respectful dialogue.

• Facilitators should meet separately with each participant beforehand to explain the process, address concerns, and help participants articulate their experiences.

• The goal is to ensure that when participants come together, they are prepared to communicate openly and constructively.

3. Establish Emotional Regulation

Before a Restorative Conversation, all parties should be calm enough to engage thoughtfully, and this includes the facilitator!

When There’s No Clear Victim or Person Who Caused Harm: Using a General Conflict Script

Anyone who has worked with students knows that many conflicts don’t have a clear victim and a clear person who caused harm—instead, it’s often an ongoing back-and-forth conflict between multiple individuals. Perhaps two students have been taking shots at each other for weeks, and then a blow-up occurs in the hallway or social media posts escalate and the argument spills into the classroom.

These situations can be tricky. Traditional discipline often labels one student as “the problem,” which rarely reflects the full story and can breed resentment rather than resolution. Avoiding the issue entirely isn’t helpful either—it only allows tensions to simmer until the next blow-up.

Using the General Conflict Script

When there’s mutual conflict, facilitators can use a General Conflict Script instead of the standard Restorative Questions.

A General Conflict Script provides a structured dialogue that helps participants:
✅ Tell their side of the story without blaming or escalating the issue.
✅ Understand the perspectives and emotions of others involved.
✅ Identify the root of the conflict rather than just reacting to surface behaviors.
✅ Recognize their own contributions to the situation.
✅ Collaboratively decide how to move forward.

Best Practices for Facilitating a Restorative Conversation

Remain Neutral & Non-Judgmental
Your role is to facilitate dialogue, not to take sides. 

Use Open-Ended Questions
The Restorative Questions are designed to elicit reflection, accountability, and connection.

Encourage Active Listening
Both parties should have the chance to speak uninterrupted and feel heard.

Help Participants Identify Impact
Rather than focusing on blame, guide them toward understanding how their actions affected others.

Keep the Conversation Focused and End with a Clear Plan
A Restorative Conversation should remain focused rather than result in a long, unstructured, and rambling conversation. The Restorative Questions assist with this.  It should also conclude with a shared agreement on how to move forward.

Why Training in Restorative Conversations is Essential

At Collaborative School Culture, we offer expert Restorative Practices training tailored for educators. Whether you’re looking for in-person or virtual training, or schoolwide implementation support, we provide the tools and strategies needed to foster a restorative school environment.

👉 Interested in learning more? Contact us today to explore our training options!